DAMN YOU EDWARD CULLEN

I’m not afraid of commitment. But not until someone like Edward Cullen comes along, I won’t be opening my heart. You see, I’ve always been a hopeless romantic, a seeker of my own fairy tale. Yet ever since I read the Twilight series, I never stopped thinking…wondering…questioning if such love exists. If it does, more so in a world we have today, and unless I see it with my own eyes and feel it with my own heart, then that’s the only time I’ll believe in true love again. That’s the time I’ll finally let myself fall.

THE FIRST AND LAST LETTER I’LL EVER WRITE

Finally, the time has come for me to do the hardest thing in the world…to let you go. I guess it all ends here. I’ve come this far. I loved you from that very first day but this love of mine would just take me nowhere. I have to let you find your own happiness even if it’s not with me. I’m writing this down coz I have to get this out of me. It’s been great knowing a person like you and I know I’ll never feel this way about another person again. I don’t know, maybe you were just a phase in my fairy tale adventure; maybe not. Maybe you were the real thing but I’ll never get the chance of finding out, will I? There were times when I thought you felt something for me too. But I was wrong. I must have read the signs differently. I don’t blame you. Maybe we’re not mean for each other that way. I guess this is what we will always have, nothing more. It’s finished at last. I’m letting go now. I lost you once. Boy, did it hurt me like hell. But I’m still here, right? I made it so I guess I’ll be okay. I’m tougher this time. Just make sure that you did the right decision. I really hope you find what you’re looking for. But no matter what happens, there’s no turning back…for you, for me, for both of us. I deserve some pride here, right? I almost gave up my whole heart; luckily I got it back just in time. I guess there will never be another chance, but if one day you realized that I’m the girl for you, well I’m sorry. I’m sorry coz you never gave me the second glance when you could have long before. My heart’s closed now and I don’t even have the key anymore. I’ve thrown it away because of you. But if ever you find it (lucky for you if you can), then it’s your chance to take, not mine.

And so it comes to this. I’m sealing this letter with a vow: I will never feel that way about you again. And if I find myself on the verge of taking that same leap, I’d rather give away my heart to someone else, even to someone not worth it at all so I won’t have to suffer the same fate I had when I loved you.

EUTHANASIA

I’ve come to the point of being in love that it actually hurt to breathe. You know it’s hard putting up with life when it slaps reality right to your face. He’s gone. FOREVER. All I have to do is let go. But it’s not easy, it has never been easy. I think the easier part comes in curling up under the covers and crying myself to sleep every night. And the not so easy part? Still hoping despite the pain…wishing you hadn’t let go in the first place.

THE HALF OF ME

Do soulmates exist? It's a rather intriguing thought but if you think about it, you know deep down, you want to believe they're real. Because for all it's worth, the world may fall apart but it's okay when you know you have someone with you when it happens, someone who will hold your hand and never let go, someone who will keep your heart safe and your soul intact. Because nothing really matters as long as you have each other. And it makes you feel you belong. It makes you complete. It makes you whole.

SWEET DEFEAT

Do you know that feeling, like your heart’s ripped out from your chest and crushed? Did you ever feel that? Coz I did, a million times before and still in the running too. But I’ve grown accustomed to it that it has suddenly become part of my life. Sad, it really is. It always takes me to darkness, but that’s life. Somehow, you should pick up all the pieces of what’s left of you, try as hard as you can to make it whole again. And maybe, just maybe, you’ll be able to see the light again.

STUPID ME

I’m sorry that I have to go through this feeling,
making me vulnerable and weak whenever I feel your presence.

I’m sorry that I have to see you everyday,
and look at the boy I’ve grown to care for.

I’m sorry that I have to wake up every morning,
reminiscing the dreams I had about you.

I’m sorry that we ever had to be friends,

For I never knew that I’d fall.

One chance…just one chance is all I’m asking. But then again, the world will just keep on turning and make me go back to where I started. In the end, I will still be sorry…plain and simple, and I only have myself to blame.

ULTIMATUM

It’s really hard to force yourself to fall for someone when the truth is, your heart belongs to someone else you didn’t intend to fall for in the first place.

How can I try to make it work with him
when all my days are filled with only thoughts of you?

How can I find the beauty in his love
when all I long for is yours?

How can I entrust my heart to him
when you already had it long before?

How can I find the courage to let you know?
How can I…? How can I…?

TEARS OF A BURDENED HEART

I wish I could have a Nathan Scott in my life. Someone to come home to…someone who could really make me feel like I belong…someone worth fighting for. But in this lifetime, there’s room for only one Nathan Scott right? So that makes Haley the luckiest girl in the world. And me? Just a girl stuck in her world of fantasies. =(

I’M IN LOVE WITH A PUNK ROCKER

There’s this boy. I fell in love with him in the silence of my heart. Quietly, I’m fighting the battle inside me. I know he’ll never look at me in that way, not in a million years. I’m glad we’re friends but that’s just it. Somehow, there’s this sort of barrier between us, like we can never get to come across. It’s heartbreaking, like I’m struggling to hold on for dear life just to make it through the day. I wish I could tell him how I really feel. =’(