SAVING MYSELF THE heartache

i couldn't figure myself out this past few days. i kept thinking if i really made the smart move. there are the constant what if's and if only's that keep me awake almost every night. i'm beginning to wonder about the might have been's if i had only given my heart the chance to explore the realms of possibility.

Eagerly waiting for his text...checking his friendster account...daydreaming of his face...

come on, what was i thinking???

but then again, some kind of miracle happened tonight.

it happened. the get over him spell finally worked this time. now i'm not so worried anymore.

thank God.

FROM LETTING GO AND MOVING ON...AND SOMEWHERE IN BETWEEN

if you're wondering how i'm doing right now or what i'm feeling, i'd tell you that i'm fine. i'm not entirely happy with my decision. it was one of the hardest to make but only through letting go can make me feel this...


RELIEF.


i'm telling you right now. i miss him. i miss his early morning texts. i miss his midday texts. i miss his random texts.


i miss looking into his eyes. i miss that smile i would see in his face when we're together. i miss his sweet gestures. i miss his random cuteness.


i missed the chance of holding his hand. i missed the chance of hugging him. i missed the chance of just lying in his arms till i fall asleep. i missed the chance of probably having that dream kiss in the rain.


i just miss him, plain and simple.


--------------------------------------->>> <3


but i'm free now.


i'm free from the pressure of making it work. i'm free from the burden of waiting. i'm free from the pain of his past. i'm free from the wicked judgments of society.


i'm free from the probable heartache. i'm free from the probable torture of betrayal. i'm free from the agony of lies and deceit.


i'm free from the grief of giving too much. i'm free from the pain of seeeing both of us struggle for a perfect relationship. i'm free from the weight of the reality that he will always belong with someone else.


at last, i'm free.

021309

I know you’re a good guy. And you only have the best intentions for me. I may be Bella to you, but I’m sorry. You can never be my Edward. Believe me when I say that I really tried to feel what you were feeling. There even came a point when I just wanted to hear you say those three pivotal words and I would have said them back. Now it’s too late. I’m tired of waiting for you to be honest with me. I feel like you’re also holding back, like you’ll only put yourself out there when you know you’ll get something good out of it. This love thing? You were not really selfless about it.

But even if we were this close to being something more, there’s also something that holds me back. It’s your past that’s always haunting me…telling me that we’re not meant for each other that way. I was always struggling because I’m hurt. I couldn’t live with the fact that you’re not born for me, like there will always be this possibility that you belong with someone else. Because let’s face it, you do.

But even if we did end up together, it wouldn’t have worked out. Because the more I got to know you, the more I got to learn that we’re two entirely different people. We don’t have anything in common. Our worlds don’t reciprocate what we are…who we are. Trust me, you wouldn’t want to be with a girl like me.

So I’m saying this...again. I’m sorry that it had to end this way. But if it’s any consolation, I would really want us to be friends, just like we used to be. No complications, no drama – just back to normal.